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Online Dating Mistakes Men Make that Put Women Off
by Suzy Allen
In general, there are more men dating online than there are women. So
if you are a man trying to find love online, you will want to make
sure you're going about things the right way. Although there are no
failsafe written rules for online dating, there are certain
unwritten etiquette rules that are advisable to follow if you want
to get the best result out of your online dating experience.
Below is a list of ten things that are likely put women off
dating you online.
No picture
Women (and men, for that matter) like to know who they are
talking to. Having no picture makes women think you have something
to hide. This could be anything from bad looks to already being
married. Don't worry about your looks, different people have
different tastes. However, having no picture up would make women
imagine the worst, even if, in reality, they would actually find you
attractive. A clear headshot of you smiling says you are genuine,
friendly and serious about finding someone.
Naked pictures
It's hard to believe that this needs saying at all, but some men
choose to upload nude pictures of themselves to websites rather than
headshots. This is acceptable behaviour on adult-themed dating sites
where people are generally only after sex, but on all other sites
this causes annoyance, if not distress. Even people who specify they
are interested in casual relationships are not likely to respond
favourably to naked pictures. Unless you are certain this kind of
behaviour is acceptable on the site, don't do it.
Accusing tone
People who have had bad dating experience occasionally try and
protect themselves from being hurt by writing a profile warning off
"undesirables". Obviously, no one likes having their time wasted by
the wrong kind of people, but filling large parts of your profile
with references to the sort of people you don't want to meet can
make you sound unapproachable, unfriendly or even paranoid. Saying
things like "no time wasters" are unnecessary -- no sane woman would
sit in front of the computer and think "I feel like wasting
someone's time today". The only thing a statement like that would do
is make you sound impatient and demanding. Phrases like "no fat
chicks", "no old hags" etc. would make you sound rude and offensive
and make most women stay away, regardless of their age and shape.
Instead, concentrate on positive aspects of who you would like to
meet.
List of demands
Be careful of turning your profile into a long list of demands.
While it's good to include information about your ideal woman, don't
let it turn into a ransom note. Always include information about
yourself in your profile and if you have high expectations from your
potential mate, it's good to complement them with details about your
own qualities so that you don't come across as arrogant and fussy.
For example, a phrase like "I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and
take care of my body, so I want to meet women who take care of
theirs" sounds much better than "I want to meet fit women".
Going on about ex
Your online dating profile is not the place to go on about your
past dating failures. It's a place to show your optimistic, hopeful
side that is ready to move on. Don't fill it up with details about
how bad your break-up was, how nasty your ex was and how you think
all women are out to get you. You won't be doing yourself any
favours.
Boasting
There is a fine line between describing your finer details and
showing off. Going over the top with describing how great you are
will only make women think you are arrogant and full of yourself. Be
particularly careful of anything sexual, including describing body
parts or how good you are in bed. Most women wouldn't believe it
anyway and would be immediately put off.
Asking for sex
Unless you are on an adult-themed site, you are unlikely to get
anywhere by messaging women and asking for sex straight away.
Obviously, there are some exceptions, such as when a woman has
specified on her profile that she is looking for sex as well.
Otherwise, it's best to be more polite. Depending on the site you
are using, it may be acceptable to say in your profile that you are
looking for sex, though different sites will have different levels
of tolerance to such requests. On mainstream sites, it's best to
keep such information to a minimum, without going into any graphic
descriptions.
Empty profiles
Women will probably not bother contacting you if your profile
contains no information about yourself. Put the effort in and make
sure you say enough to make them interested. It's worth spending the
time to do this properly as the amount of responses you will get
will significantly rise.
Jealousy and possessiveness
When starting to communicate with women online, don't act like
you're married straight away. Demanding to know where your new
friend is every time she is not speaking to you is not likely to
make her want to stick around. Let things develop at their natural
pace without being too pushy.
Acting Desperate
It's somehow hard to gauge the different between acting cool and
acting distant and the difference between being affectionate and
being overly-eager. Still, sometimes it's best to err on the side of
caution and not flood your new match with over the top romantic
behaviour. Turning up to a casual first date with a giant bouquet of
flowers is an example of over-eagerness. If you like someone, do let
her know, but again, don't expect her to commit to marrying you
after a single phone call or date.
Suzy Alllen works for Pocado.com -
Online Dating and Chat
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